a little annoyed

I have to sub a class tonight and for some reason I'm really annoyed about it. One of my teachers is at training and normally we don't have to cover classes for trainings, but apparently we do now. Of course, being head teacher means that this has fallen to me, or so they figured Friday night at 9:00pm as I was heading out the door with not enough time to actually think about saying no. Not that I would have, because you know, I have that perpetual problem of not being able to say no, but it would have been nice if the thought could have crossed my mind before I was outside in the cold reality of what I just did. I gave up my last night of getting off work at four forever. Damn them.

I don't know how I have been the type of person to give everything to my job. I love my job, I really do, but the worst thing I hate about it is that I will give up everything I am doing to go in and help them do things or teach a class, even when I have other plans. I have always done this with any job that I've been in. Why? Why, why, why, why, why???!!!! I mean, I have no problems being helpful, it sounds awful, but it goes a long way in a country where guan-shi is a huge part of their culture. It isn't really all that hard where I work though, the people are amazing, however I just don't like the last minute, "we forgot to tell you this, can you do it?" They know I will say yes. They know I will say "yes" so much that my manager actually had to tell someone "no" for me, because she knew I couldn't do it. Yeah, I'm that pathetic.

If I could learn anything in the time I have left here, it would be to say no. I've been trying, but it's just so hard. Too hard for me to be able to do it I think, but maybe it will be a good skill to put to use when I get home.